The Tavros and the Pendulum
by Priest of Life
Summary: After Everything in his life goes wrong, Tavros is finally ready to give up. Rated T just for some language and death. The song this fanfiction is based on is "The Poet and the Pendulum" by Nightwish


_The end_

_The songwriter's dead_

_The blade fell upon him_

_Taking him to the White Lands_

_Of Empathica_

_Of Innocence_

_Empathica_

_Innocence_

"Oh my god! What the fuck is that?"

"It was found dead here about a half hour ago. A neighbor found it like this. "

The coroner, police, and others arrived after a 911 call late at night. A neighbor had come over to check on him after hearing loud noise. The house was a clutter, and a body was lying on the floor of a study by a desk, motionless. Tavros Nitram had just been found dead.

_The dreamer and the wine_

_Poet without a rhyme_

_A widowed writer torn apart by chains of hell_

_One last perfect verse_

_Is still the same old song_

_Oh Christ how I hate what I have become_

Tavros bursts through the door of his house. Inside he quickly slams it shut and locks it. He begins to bawl there, leaning up against the oak surface.

He was once a well-known and beloved poet, basing most of his poetry and songs off of his and his friends' experiences in Sgrub. Somehow he survived, but now, he wishes he had died like everyone else. When he had entered the new universe, he didn't transform into one of the humans. Instead, he still kept his troll from; horns and all.

Only one other troll had survived, Aradia Megido. They soon fell into a flushed romance and married. Their life together couldn't have been any more perfect until they found a mother grub egg. They hatched it, raised it, and soon after had a few wigglers wiggling around.

Their happiness wouldn't last long however. Somehow, Aradia's dancestor found her way into the universe. Aradia and her dancestor Damara never did get along well. Actually, they were always trying to kill each other, or at least Damara was always trying to kill Aradia. She would finally prevail. Twenty years after their session, Damara Megido broke into their house and killed Aradia Nitram in her sleep. She made sure no trace of her bloodline was left, killing the wigglers and the mother grub as well.

Now, four months later, it is finally time for Tavros to die. It was time for relief: relief from depression, relief from the faux smile he would wear all day long so no one would suspect. Depression had gotten the best of him. He would try to find a new person to share the rest of his life with in the morning, but that would be too late. Tavros Nitram will die tonight.

He sits down in his study. Unbeknown to him, outside a storm was brewing…no, had already begun. The spirits of his past and pasts in which he had never lived had gathered around in some sort of party. Tavros, on the other hand, was trying to come up with one last poem, one which he would be remembered by. But the only thing he could think of was the line: "_Take me home"_.

_Getaway, runaway, fly away_

_Lead me astray to dreamer's hideaway_

_I cannot cry 'cause the shoulder cries more_

_I cannot die, I, a whore for the cold world_

_Forgive me_

_I have but two faces_

_One for the world_

_One for God_

_Save me!_

_I cannot cry 'cause the shoulder cries more_

_I cannot die, I, a whore for the cold world_

He writes his emotions, which backfires. He thought he could release his pain on paper, but it only causes more pain in him. Writing about his dead family and friends has taken its toll and has turned into a self-mockery. He mocked himself for being so pathetic. His own self mocked him for thinking he could possibly make it in human society. He couldn't be in a worse situation.

_My home was there 'n then_

_Those meadows of Heaven_

_Adventure-filled days_

_One with every smiling face_

_Please, no more words_

_Thoughts from a severed head_

_No more praise_

_Tell me once my heart goes right_

_"Take me home!"_

How, Tavros can't even stand to pity himself. He starts to lose all of his self worth. He erases the entire page he had just written. As he does this he feels something pulling at the sides of his mouth. Is he...smiling? It has to be a false sense of happiness if so.

He had never thought that something like this could ever happen. He'd thought that Sgrub was to be the worst of his life. But no, of course it wouldn't be. He was never a lucky troll. That was always Vriska, but she's dead like all the others. He had the misfortune of being paralyzed from the waist down by her. He also had the misfortune of killing his own lusus. His own freaking lusus! Until now, those were the two worst days of his life.

_Sparkle my scenery_

_With turquoise waterfall_

_With beauty underneath_

_The Ever Free_

_Tuck me in beneath the blue_

_Beneath the pain, beneath the rain_

_Goodnight kiss for a child in time_

_Swaying blade my lullaby_

_On the shore we sat and hoped_

_Under the same pale moon_

_Whose guiding light chose you_

_Chose you all_

His self-mockery quickly changed to complete depression. For several months he had been expressing his depression through poems, all of which have yet to be published.

His life had quickly spiraled downward since Aradia was killed. He lost his appetite and lost almost thirty pounds. He was run-over by two cars, causing him to lose his robotic legs and having them replaced with normal prosthetics. He preferred the robotics.

About six weeks after Aradia was killed he attempted suicide. He overdosed on a pain killer he was put on when they had to "amputate" the robotic legs. Equius had attached them surgically into his abdomen and connected them to s healthy part of his spinal cord. He slipped into a coma for three days, only to wake up in the hospital because his neighbor called 911 when she found him unconscious. He was hoping to die, but instead woke up in the company of his "close" "friends".

And even now in his darkest moments, he can feel Aradia's kiss on his cheek. That same kiss that she always gave him before they went to sleep. He can't take the pain any longer.

_I'm afraid. I'm so afraid. _

_Being raped again and again_

_I know I will die alone_

_But loved_

_You live long enough to hear the sounds of guns,_

_Long enough to find yourself screaming every night,_

_Long enough to see your friends betray you. _

_For years I've been strapped unto this alter,_

_Now I only have three minutes and counting. _

_I just wish the tide would catch me first and give me a death I always longed for. _

He becomes afraid. But of what? He has nothing to fear except to die alone, unloved and forgotten. He's lived for thirty years on earth, or about 13.6 sweeps on Alternia, his homeworld. He's been hunted and betrayed by the ones he loved. He thought they loved him back.

His head is spinning. He comes out of what seemed to be some sort of trance. He looks around and sees tens, possibly hundreds of papers around him. He notices the words have all been erased-poorly. Even though he had planned for those all to be published, it is a relief to see those words destroyed. Those words were written in his emotions, and with them gone, it gives a sense of relief that everything is better; the depression being gone, the sickness of being alone having been erased. He can't describe it. It just feels...better.

But now, reality is once again beginning to set it. He is the last troll. After him, his race is dead. Period. He feels as though he could have prevented all this even though it was inevitable with that Gog damned Lord English controlling everything. Even though he is the last of his kind, he still wishes for death, just to end the pain. He has suffered enough already.

_2__nd__ robber to the right of Christ_  
_Cut in half - infanticide_  
_The world will rejoice today_  
_As the crows feast on the rotting poet_

_Everyone must bury their own_  
_No pack to bury the heart of stone_  
_Now he's home in hell, serves him well_  
_Slain by the bell, tolling for his farewell_

Now he's angry. He's angry at the fact that the only thing he can do is wallow in self pity-if only he had any left. He's angry that he did nothing to prepare for any break-ins. He's angry that he lost touch with everyone he knows. Now, they probably don't even care about him. They've most likely forgotten about him by now.

His heart grew cold after Aradia was killed. He rarely ever left his house. He became rather rude and antisocial. He lost his kindness, especially toward himself. He couldn't understand this human concept of God and Heaven. What kind of a person is this God to destroy all things good in someone's life? He would much rather stay in this human concept of Hell, where all the creatures and beings are honest. Yes, they may be very hateful, but at least they aren't fooling into thinking they love them with a burning passion.

_The morning dawned, upon his altar_  
_Remains of the dark passion play_  
_Performed by his friends without shame_  
_Spitting on his grave as they came_

In his hate-daze he erased at least two hundred more pages, and he was still erasing. He will not stop until every last painful word is done with existence. He envisions a sunrise shining on a lonely grave in the middle of nowhere, his grave, deteriorated by the disrespect his former "friends" showed him. The world will take little note about his life. And he doesn't give a shit about that anymore.

_Today, in the year of our Lord 2005,_  
_Tuomas was called from the cares of the world._  
_He stopped crying at the end of each beautiful day._  
_The music he wrote had too long been without silence._

_He was found naked and dead,_  
_With a smile in his face,a pen and 1000 pages of erased text._

He wrote under the pen name "Tuomas". He did this to sound more human. He kept his last name because he knew some humans had pretty weird ones. John Egbert is a good example of one, or at least he always thought so.

During his last few moments his mind finally short circuits. He begins to hallucinate and laugh hysterically. He flips his desk over in an insane rampage around his study. He smashes his bookshelf and throws his books everywhere. At the end of it all, he collapses. He lays there on the floor for a few seconds until he takes his last breath. Tavros Nitram's heart has stopped beating.

The last thing his mind shouts before his soul exits his mortal body is, "_Save me!"_

_Be still, my son_

_You're home_

_Oh when did you become so cold?_

_The blade will keep on descending_

_All you need is to feel my love_

_Search for beauty, find your shore_

_Try to save them all, bleed no more_

_You have such oceans within_

_In the end_

_I will always love you_

Tavros' neighbor Trisha heard loud noises, including screams and what appeared to be a reddish-orange light, like a fire, coming from his house's direction.

Trisha never developed any hard feelings toward Tavros because she sort of knew what he was going through. She had been the only survivor of her family when their cruise ship sank. She was put on his state for a few months before finally fully coming out of it two years later. She was confident that with support, Tavros cold come out of it as well.

Tavros always did enjoy her company. She helped out a lot after Aradia died. Unlike all the other humans she seemed unmoved by the fact that he wasn't one.

But for the past couple weeks she hadn't been able to help out much. Things have come up and she's been busy.

Just. Like. Tonight. The one night he needed her the most and she can't be there. She had just arrived home when the party erupted in Tavros' yard. For several minutes she wondered what could be happening. She headed over when she saw the light and was worried it was a fire.

It took her five minutes to get to his house. The noise and everything had already died down by time she got there.

She knocked on the door. After a few minutes with no answer she thought he might be in bed. But the lights were on. She knocked again. Still no answer. Perhaps he's in the shower. But the bathroom light is off as well. This time she pounds on the door. "Tavros, please open up.

When there wasn't an answer she found the spare key and let herself in. She searched through his house for him but it seemed he wasn't home. She walked down a hallway she'd never seen before. in it, there was one door on the right. She could barely get it open because something was blocking the doorway. She struggled and was finally able to get the door open. she walked in, and on a pile of paper in the middle of the room lay Tavros, cold and dead.

Trisha walked up to him, felt his pulse, and confirmed his death.

_The beginning._

The coroner and police arrived. Trisha was shocked at what she'd just discovered. she'd also called John, who called Rose and everyone else. They were all just as surprised at the horrible news. The autopsy revealed that he just passed from depression. There was no self-harm or anything else inflicted. The number of papers in the pile his body was on was counted. There were one thousand papers in it.

Tavros' funeral was held three days later. To no one's surprise a lot of people showed up. He was, after all, a well beloved poet. And needless to say, they were all surprised at what exactly he was... a troll. But that didn't change their opinion. He was loved by everyone, even though he believed otherwise. And everyone hoped for his final works to be published, but alas, he had erased it all. There were a few pages that were just ever-so-slightly legible, but most were too completely erased.

But Tavros' story was never destined to end here. Though his life was over, his soul would never be damned to die again. But instead, damned to relive his final night of life forever.

Upon returning to his house after the funeral, John found a few papers that weren't erased. Tavros had died before he had the opportunity to do so. There were four. On these four papers was written one song, one final song which had summed up the last four hellish months of Tavros' life. The song was entitled "The Poet and the Pendulum," and the lyrics were written as follows:

_"WHITE LANDS OF EMPATHICA"_

_The end._

_The songwriter's dead._

_The blade fell upon him_

_Taking him to the white lands_

_Of Empathica_

_Of Innocence_

_Empathica_

_Innocence_

_"HOME"_

_The dreamer and the wine_

_Poet without a rhyme_

_A widowed writer torn apart by chains of hell_

_One last perfect verse_

_Is still the same old song_

_Oh Christ how I hate what I have become_

_Take me home_

_Getaway, runaway, fly away_

_Lead me astray to dreamer's hideaway_

_I cannot cry 'cause the shoulder cries more_

_I cannot die, I, a whore for the cold world_

_Forgive me_

_I have but two faces_

_One for the world_

_One for God_

_Save me_

_I cannot cry 'cause the shoulder cries more_

_I cannot die, I, a whore for the cold world_

_My home was there 'n then_

_Those meadows of heaven_

_Adventure-filled days_

_One with every smiling face_

_Please, no more words_

_Thoughts from a severed head_

_No more praise_

_Tell me once my heart goes right_

_Take me home_

_Getaway, runaway, fly away_

_Lead me astray to dreamer's hideaway_

_I cannot cry 'cause the shoulder cries more_

_I cannot die, I, a whore for the cold world_

_Forgive me_

_I have but two faces_

_One for the world_

_One for God_

_Save me_

_I cannot cry 'cause the shoulder cries more_

_I cannot die, I, a whore for the cold world_

_Whore for the cold world_

_Whore for the cold world_

_"THE PACIFIC"_

_Sparkle my scenery_

_With turquoise waterfall_

_With beauty underneath_

_The Ever Free_

_Tuck me in beneath the blue_

_Beneath the pain, beneath the rain_

_Goodnight kiss for a child in time_

_Swaying blade my lullaby_

_On the shore we sat and hoped_

_Under the same pale moon_

_Whose guiding light chose you_

_Chose you all_

_"I'm afraid. I'm so afraid._

_Being raped again, and again, and again_

_I know I will die alone._

_But loved._

_You live long enough to hear the sound of guns,_

_long enough to find yourself screaming every night,_

_long enough to see your friends betray you._

_For years I've been strapped unto this altar._

_Now I only have 3 minutes and counting._

_I just wish the tide would catch me first and give me a death I always longed for "._

_"DARK PASSION PLAY"_

_2nd robber to the right of Christ_

_Cut in half - infanticide_

_The world will rejoice today_

_As the crows feast on the rotting poet_

_Everyone must bury their own_

_No pack to bury the heart of stone_

_Now he's home in hell, serves him well_

_Slain by the bell, tolling for his farewell_

_The morning dawned, upon his altar_

_Remains of the dark passion play_

_Performed by his friends without shame_

_Spitting on his grave as they came_

_Getaway, runaway, fly away_

_Lead me astray to dreamer's hideaway_

_I cannot cry 'cause the shoulder cries more_

_I cannot die, I, a whore for the cold world_

_Forgive me_

_I have but two faces_

_One for the world_

_One for God_

_Save me_

_I cannot cry 'cause the shoulder cries more_

_I cannot die, I, a whore for the cold world_

_Whore for the cold world_

_Whore for the cold world!_

_"Today, in the year of our Lord 2005,_

_Tuomas was called from the cares of the world._

_He stopped crying at the end of each beautiful day._

_The music he wrote had too long been without silence._

_He was found naked and dead,_

_With a smile in his face,a pen and 1000 pages of erased text."_

_Save me_

_"MOTHER & FATHER"_

_Be still, my son_

_You're home_

_Oh when did you become so cold?_

_The blade will keep on descending_

_All you need is to feel my love_

_Search for beauty, find your shore_

_Try to save them all, bleed no more_

_You have such oceans within_

_In the end_

_I will always love you_

_The beginning._


End file.
